My Hijab Is About Me – Dhillondeeds 

Hello, and Salaam (peace)

I would like to let you in on a little something that I’m constantly questioned about.

My Hijab.

This must be one the most difficult pieces I’ve ever written because as I sat down and attempted to write it, I realised how personal my hijab story actually is and how no amount of words can truly do justice to my thoughts, feelings and experience. And whether or not I should publish it because I was too afraid of what people would think of me. This story has been edited several times in attempt of assuring that I’m not misunderstood or cause any misguidance. It’s just my personal story and it changes as I change as a person.

I didn’t start wearing the headscarf until I was 16 years old and I was never forced to do it either, despite several years of attempts from my Aunty who undoubtedly takes way too much credit for my decision to start donning the hijab but I absolutely love her and I absolutely love wearing my hijab as a result and I feel incomplete without it. But as I ventured through my personal religious journey or transition (however you wish to view it), my friends and family were always supportive, whether I wore it or not. Simply because other aspects of the religion were more important than the hijab. None-the-less, it is clear that the headscarf is a visual symbol of Muslim woman around the world and majority of the time (in my experience) is made a large issue of because of ill-informed opinions.

No-one said that this search for “identity” would be easy, but it wasn’t until I left my own country that I started experiencing discrimination and I found myself crying a great deal because of unwanted looks and judgment. Life teaches us new lessons at every point but before you judge me, understand this, my hijab is about ME. I do not wear it to invite questions from strangers about why I wear it (or why I don’t) or to push my religious agenda down anyone’s throat. It’s probably unexplainable to many but it is an expression of my beliefs and something that gives me peace and serenity. I am not forced to wear it, it doesn’t discomfort me, it doesn’t impair my intellect and most certainly doesn’t make me an expert in Islam. All society can see are “my clothes” which gives me my identity and having an identity is so important because it is who I am, it is who I want to be accepted as and who I want to share with others. It’s definitely not about YOU.

I am an independent, free and fulfilled woman.  My headscarf has never hindered any of my achievements (contrary to popular belief) but instead makes me feel a lot more comfortable about my appearance (especially on those bad hair days) but over and above that I am able to communicate and interact with more confidence. I dress modestly so people can see me for my personality, for who I really am, rather than how I look in a provocative sense. The beauty of the hijab is that it doesn’t restrict me from wearing whatever I want to at all. I am able to explore and play around with my own sense of style and dress according to how I feel. I believe that the right intention is all that really matters.

My headscarf has never been a barrier for me as much as it’s been a problem for other people. I think, the thing I want to say the most is, allow me the freedom to wear my hijab, just like any other girl is allowed to wear whatever she wants to wear, simply because it makes me happy.

As much as we would like to believe that we live in a free world, at some point we all fight for “freedom” and an important lesson taught to us by Nelson Mandela is that to be free is not merely to cast off the chains but to live in a way that respects and enhances the freedom of others. That’s food for thought!

I am by no means a “hijabi” and I still haven’t completely embraced the true implementation of the Hijab and that’s my personal battle, but I firmly believe that with greater understanding of Islam and by the will of God, that will change and my hijab will stay with me for the rest of my life.

I applaud, with great admiration, all the women who dedicate and commit themselves to upholding what I’ve found to be one of the most challenging aspects of being a Muslim woman.

I welcome any comments and words of encouragement to help me stay firm to my faith and passion for my hijab.

Always,
Fazeelah

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13 thoughts on “My Hijab Is About Me – Dhillondeeds 

  1. sumayyah says:

    I’m so happy I read this as I can relate to more than a few of your points and experiences. (To say the least) so bold to venture out and put thoughts to paper as I don’t think I have or could ever be that confident. My initial and ongoing way of dealing with comments and allegations are to be silent. As I feel I would just fuel the fire that I myself could have created and avoided.

    I believe that there are many girls out there that share the same struggles that you do. And I also feel in the same breath that there are so many women that encompasses hijaab without weartingba headscarf. (But because this word has been misinterpreted to mean the cloth that covers your hair, they fall victim to these comments)

    I myself am on my own journey. I will never regret my struggles because I feel without these bumps my success to achieve this ultimate goal won’t taste as sweet without them.

    So Shukran for sharing your experiences and o hope you continue. And if you even inspire 1 person only may you feel fulfilled. Keep it up and all the very best. X sumayyah

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Najma Noorshib says:

    You are beautiful, admired and respected by those who have tasted the sweetness and beauty of the Hijab and inspired by those who aspire to do so in the future but most importantly know that “He” is pleased with you. Continue on this beautiful, spiritually uplifting and amazing journey. Your destiny will never disappoint…

    Like

  3. Zenith Bhikhagee says:

    I cried…Im so glad you posted this and so proud of you my dear fuzzy. Somehow in the back of our minds. Though some may never acknowledge it, everyone wants to be accepted and most of the time these people who judge tend to forget it. Hijab is a struggle on its own, one that has so many rewards not only spiritual but emotionally too, I guess we all have our struggles… Ive been neglecting hijab lately and after a while I started feeling empty and the only constant was the thought of how the only reason people question my religion is because my arguements seem invalid without doing as a muslim should daily. With that being said cuzzy know that you are the reason I feel beautiful with my hijab on, the one true example closest to my heart, the imperperfect perfect that is you. May Allah grant you content and understanding of his plan for you inshaa allah.

    Like

  4. Rania Railoun says:

    Asalaamu Alaikum. Shukraan for sharing this with us. There are so many different views of hijab and as one who wasn’t born muslim I always had a respectful glance toward it and now, 4 years later after embracing Islam I can truthfully say that although it was quite an adjustment to deal with in the beginning, I too now LOVE MY HIJAB. I don’t care who has what to say or how they choose to like at me because my religion is between me and my maker. I make dua for our muslim brothers and sisters all around the world that may be going through any type of oppression, May Allah SWT grant them ease protection and keep them steadfast, Inshalla, Ameen.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Lindsay (@itssimplylinds) says:

    What a great post! I have been wanting to learn more about this, and I loved reading your story. It’s beautiful, and you bring up a great point that in America, we push “freedom,” yet often criticize women for wearing head scarfs. Isn’t that their freedom? I still want to learn more about this, so I’ll message you : )

    Liked by 1 person

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